Starting in August 2021, our whole family relocated temporarily to Aomori — where my parents live. My partner and I now commute to Tokyo when needed, treating it more like business travel. Our older son (elementary school age) is taking a break from school and studying remotely with support from his grandmother, a former elementary school teacher. Our younger son has paused daycare and is running around the house and yard with the energy only a toddler can sustain.
This post covers the reasoning behind this decision — made by a fully dual-income household in the working prime of our lives — and what has changed since. I'm writing it for families wrestling with the tension between safety, parenting, and work in the current environment. I hope it's useful to someone.
Why We Made This Decision
The driver was simple: COVID. Specifically, we prioritized the safety of our children. The background conditions:
- Rapid spread in educational and childcare settings (per local ward bulletins — e.g., Kita Ward)
- No timeline for childhood vaccination in Japan
- Hospitalization unavailable if needed (reserved beds << patients awaiting hospital placement, per Stopcovid19 Tokyo data)
- Critical care shortage (per Japan ECMOnet COVID-19 severe patient data)
- Both parents and grandparents were fully vaccinated
Background
The decision was made during our older son's summer vacation, but the situation around us had already become untenable:
- Even during summer vacation, notifications of positive test results came almost daily through his school's club activities and after-school care programs. We'd stopped using after-school care.
- The daycare had positive case notifications nearly every week. We never knew when it would close. We'd started holding our younger son back from daycare more and more. (The daycare principal sent a message to parents that was so carefully considered and clearly came from a place of deep commitment — I was moved to tears.)
- With children home constantly, both of us still needed to work. Neither of us could give the other what we needed. Stress was building.
- Our younger son's noise in the apartment was generating complaints from neighbors. This was a serious ongoing stress for us.
These conditions together pushed us to look for an environment where we could protect the children while reducing stress for the whole family. An upcoming family event — my sister's wedding — also provided a natural occasion for the trip.
What We Actually Did
Researching the Destination
Before moving, we researched whether relocating would actually solve the problems we were facing.
After confirming the following points, we felt relief alongside a strong sense of responsibility not to bring the virus in:
- Per-capita positive test rates in Aomori were extremely low (0 to a few cases per day)
- Healthcare capacity relative to Tokyo was roughly 10x better (ample room)
Confirming with My Parents
We had an honest conversation with my parents about the risks — including the possibility of bringing the virus with us. They had been unable to see their grandchildren for nearly two years. Whether that emotional weight factored in, I'm not sure, but they told us clearly: "Even if something happened to us as a result of you coming, we'd have no regrets." That was the final push we needed.
Checking with the School
We reached out to the school to understand their plans for after summer vacation. The response:
- They anticipated the city/school board might announce remote learning or staggered attendance (similar to the year before), but hadn't received guidance yet (a notification came the day before summer vacation ended — which sounded stressful for them)
- Absence due to infection-prevention reasons would be classified as "infection prevention leave" rather than unexcused absence
- Remote learning via school-issued tablets (Google Meet) was planned if schools closed
With those answers, we were able to confirm the move was feasible.
The Move Itself
Due to scheduling, children + partner and I traveled on separate days by plane. It was peak summer travel season, but the planes were noticeably empty.
Settling In
After arriving, we've minimized contact with anyone outside the family. Even so, the parks here are empty by default, and almost all movement is by private car — which has made daily life feel genuinely safe. We bought a few things to set up a functioning remote work and living environment.
What Has Changed
The changes have been largely positive:
- Positive: During working hours, we couldn't always respond to the kids' needs, which meant heavy reliance on YouTube and games. Here that's been replaced by outdoor play, bug hunting, beach trips, drives, and fireworks. A rapid digital detox.
- Positive: Remote schooling has started, and our older son is adapting well.
- Positive: Our younger son used to stomp the floor when stressed. Since arriving here, we haven't seen it once.
- Positive: Even when our schedules overlap, the grandparents can step in — the psychological safety that provides is significant.
- Positive: Housework burden dropped substantially. Shifting more of my work to early mornings has reduced my own stress and increased focused work time.
- Mixed: Our younger son has been separated from his daycare friends and teachers. This is a genuine concern. We don't have a clear answer about whether this is the right environment for a child at this sensitive age.
- Mixed: The children are getting used to the freedom and space here. Whether they can readjust to the constraints and stresses of Tokyo life is something we're starting to worry about.
- Negative: The cost of my partner and me commuting to Tokyo a few times a month is significant.
ref. Impact on Work
In parallel with this family decision, I formalized a similar principle at 10X: "Prioritize family safety, and allow each person to choose the work environment that best suits them." The personal issue I experienced became a company-wide one when I reframed it as "something every member could face" — and translated it into company policy.
Concretely: from September 1 through December 31, we shifted to a remote-first work mode, with maximum company support for whatever each person needed. The corporate team turned around the draft policy into a fully operationalized plan within a few days — a display of real performance that I was proud to witness.
What Comes Next
We're discussing the conditions that would end this temporary relocation. Specifically, we're looking for:
- A sense that risk in childcare and education settings can be managed
- The availability of hospitalization if needed
Looking at Tokyo's current situation, returning soon isn't easy to contemplate. We're also discussing whether this should remain temporary or become a longer-term arrangement.
I grew up in the countryside, and I've probably over-indexed on the value of "exposure to diverse people" that Tokyo offers children. But spending time here has confirmed that life in a rural area during this formative early childhood period has many real positives.
We're watching carefully and thinking slowly. One thing COVID's disruption has given us unexpectedly is this: the option to think outside the box at all. For that I'm genuinely grateful — even amid the hardship.
I know this level of optionality is something I'm privileged to have, and I don't expect it to apply to everyone. But as a parent and as someone living this life, I keep asking: what's the best available choice for my family and for myself right now?
